bogplanet:

my apologies to derek landy

(via 3fandom5u)


Desmond Edgely: *pokes baby Alice*
Desmond: Hello, small person.
Melissa Edgely: Desmond, don't poke the baby.
Desmond: You may have won this round, but I will have my...
Melissa: And don't threaten the baby either.
Desmond: I wasn't.
Melissa: Just leave her alone. You're annoying her.
Desmond: I'm not annoying her. She doesn't even know enough to be annoyed. She's, what, a week old?
Melissa: She's three months.
Desmond: She's three months in our years, but how old is she in baby years?
Melissa: Come away from her. Steph, can you pick her up? It's time for her feed.
Desmond: Why didn't you ask me to pick her up? I was standing right there. Don't you trust me? That's it, isn't it? You don't trust me.
Melissa: I do trust you. I just don't trust you a lot. Stephanie has safe hands.
Desmond: You want to see safe hands?
Desmond: *picks up two apples and begins juggling them*
Desmond: See? Safe as anything.
Melissa: Are you proposing to juggle our new-born child?
Desmond: Of course not. I'd only be able to juggle her if you'd had twins. Otherwise it's just throwing.
Melissa: Steph, give me my baby and never let your father near her.
Stephanie: Deal.
Desmond: Everyone seems to forget that I'm not a complete novice at this. Don't I already have one beautiful daughter, and she turned out OK, didn't she? I didn't drop her once.
Melissa: You dropped her when we were at the zoo.
Stephanie: You dropped me?
Desmond: Ah, I'd forgotten about that. In my defence, though, you were a very wriggly child. One moment you were there, the next you were, you know, on the ground in the penguin enclosure.
Stephanie: You dropped me in the penguin enclosure?
Desmond: I was leaning over the railing and you just plopped out of my grip. You weren't hurt, or anything. And even if you had been, I'm sure the penguins would have taken you in, raised you as one of their own. It would have been a different life for you, but still a good one.
Stephanie: I can't believe you dropped me.
Desmond: Neither could the people around us. Some crazy woman stormed up and roared at me for five minutes about how I shouldn't be putting my child in danger.
Melissa: That was me.
Stephanie: Now it makes sense. My fear of zoos. My fear of penguins. My fear of being dropped in a zoo with the penguins. It's all dad's fault.
Desmond: Most things are. But I won't make the same mistakes again, I promise. From this moment on, I will be the best father the world has ever seen. Wifey, may I please hold my child?
Melissa: I'm feeding her.
Desmond: Give me the child and the bottle. I'll feed her.
Melissa: *looks at Desmond suspiciously*
Melissa: When holding a baby, what is the most important thing to remember?
Desmond: Not to drop it.
Melissa, Well, yes, well done, dear, but I was thinking more about how you hold the baby.
Desmond: Ah, of course. The secret to holding a baby is to pick it up by the scruff of its neck.
Melissa: You're thinking of kittens.
Desmond: Pick it up by its ears, then.
Melissa: You're thinking of nothing.
Desmond: Can I please just hold her?
Melissa: I don't think that's wise.
Desmond: A lot of things aren't wise, Melissa. Is crossing the road with my eyes closed wise? No, but I do it anyway.
Melissa: Stephanie, you are in charge of teaching Alice how to cross the road.
Stephanie: Gotcha.

nerdy-is-super-cool:

I made it more accurate…

nerdy-is-super-cool:

I made it more accurate…


The Dying of the Light - Skulduggery’s Light

armageddon-outta-here:

"She could see his consciousness. It formed a shell around his skeleton, a shell of multicoloured lights. It sparkled prettily. This shell was how he thought. This shell was how he felt…She reached out and gently dug her fingers into the shell of light. Skulduggery gasped and went rigid."

(via patriarchaic)



artgeek2013:

Favorite Fletcher and Ghastly scene so far, they have the best talks.

artgeek2013:

Favorite Fletcher and Ghastly scene so far, they have the best talks.

(via insertcrazyusernamehere)


darkesse:

The only thing I want to say before we get the title for book nine: It’s been an honor.

I love this fandom.


askulduggerypleasantblog:

I AM NOT READY FOR SKULDUGGERY AND VALKYRIE’S RELATIONSHIP TO BE TORN APART I WILL NEVER BE READY IF THEY’RE NOT STILL SOUL-MATES AND BEST FRIENDS AT THE END OF BOOK 9 I WILL GO DEREK LANDY’S HOUSE AND I WILL BURN IT DOWN AND THEN LIE DOWN AND CRY FOR EIGHTY YEARS I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS

(via insertcrazyusernamehere)


capuntain:

What if Skulduggery Pleasant was the exact opposite of a skeleton. A boneless blob of flesh and everything but bone? Skulduggery Pleasant, Man Blob Detective.

(via askulduggerypleasantblog)


volpinetea:

DEREK LANDY IS THE DEVIL HERES WHY

*prayer circle for Tanith*

volpinetea:

DEREK LANDY IS THE DEVIL HERES WHY

*prayer circle for Tanith*

(via insertcrazyusernamehere)